Welcome!
We’re glad you stopped by! This page is for anyone seeking advice on any matter that is out of the context of the monthly blog themes. Please feel free to submit your questions to the group. We encourage all ElderChicks readers to share their wisdom and experience with each other so that we can support and guide each other here on this website.
From Carol:
I had an interesting conversation with a professional woman undergoing a career change, and having a mild concern about temporary loss of income. Having worked with many clients , both pro-bono and charging for those who can afford to pay, I made these comments: the relationship between individuals and money seems to fall into three categories: those who worry about money, who don’t realize they are in pretty good shape; those who worry about money, and truly have financial issues that can be made better with some professional advice, and those who don’t worry about money, even though they may not have a lot, because they feel they have enough.
I can help either of the first two types: the unrealistic worriers can be helped to have a better understanding of their total financial picture; and the second group, or individuals who have a reason to worry, but can be helped to improve their financial situations if they are open to change.
I can’t accept many new clients at a time, whether paying or not, but what I can do is give my telephone number to any person who is having real concerns about their financial situation in an effort to see whether I feel I can help or not. So, if some of our contributors feel they could benefit from a brief consult with me via email (carol.vorch@verizon.net), I will respond the best I can by email, and am willing to meet with anyone for an hour in a quiet location in one of my nearby libraries outside of Philadelphia: Bala, Bryn Mawr or other nearby public facility with ample parking on site.
I’ve had a lot of experience doing this; I have done this pro-bono for friends, and they have been grateful. I will be honest with anyone with a type of financial problem for which I do not feel I can be truly helpful. The main benefit I receive is exercising a strong skill set, and knowing I have helped many to sleep better at night.
From Ella:
Hello everyone. I am asking for help and direction and maybe advice. My ex-son-in-law takes his two children (10 years and 9 month old) for 3 nights straight. The oldest child does not want to go and texts his mom to come to pick him up. The baby cries a lot. The custody decision is still in process. As a grandmother my heart is broken and I am not sure where to turn for help. (The ex-son-in-law is narcissist.) Please, on this site there are so many smart experienced women, who have dealt with all. Can someone please guide me, given that if the father is not father material, how to take my grandkids back, especially a baby who should not be away from his mom? Thank you!
Blessings to you. I do not have experience for this life Lesson, but I do feel that the 10 year-olds today are very smart and sensitive. Years ago a family situation rose in which 4 children were being pedaled between Mom, Dad and Grandparents, and that made for tension, rebellion, and confusion. So I sat down with the oldest, my lovely niece, at 10 years old and told her I needed her help really bad because she was so special and it was to be a secret. She designed a schedule for the siblings to follow, rules and who was to be in charge for the week. The kids never knew why they got ice cream treats every month from the Secret Fairy but we were all happy as the bickering stopped with the kids and adults because they all had missions for peace. The MAD JAR I gave them was filled with pennies each time they wanted to throw a tantrum but smiled instead. As adults now – we all share a special bond where they came to the rescue for their parents. Good Luck and God Bless……
Peace to all
In terms of the grandchildren, we must listen to the kids. If they are unhappy going with their father then there are problems. He may be abusive, and this worries me. You definitely need the advice of professionals–both a therapist and a licensed social worker. You also might want to have an honest talk with your daughter. If young children are uncomfortable with a parent there are usually issues of abuse. I have a cousin, a grandmother, who is also dealing with this exact issue. I wish you the best.
I am a retired school counselor and suggest that you and/or your daughter get the school counselor involved. He/she can provide your grandchild with a safe and neutral environment thus maintaining a much-needed comfort zone. School counselors have many resources for your family should the situation require any.
Ella, foremost they are his children too. Maybe the 10 year old calls home because the divorce is new and he misses the comfort of his home vs. being in a new place. The 10 year old child appears not to have mentioned abuse of any kind, just a longing for his home with Mom.
Having been through a similar situation, my advice, unless asked, is to stay out of it and let this situation be handled by your daughter, ex son in law and their lawyer.
Throughout the divorce continue to give loving support to your grandchildren without ever speaking ill of their father. That will help him through the divorce process.
As I said, I did not read any hint of abuse except that the 9-month cries a lot. According to the boy?
If abuse is ever expected but not used as a vengeance tool, then your daughter should not hesitate to call the child abuse hot line.
Best wishes.
I agree with Donna. My ex is narcissistic too. My kids are now grown. It’s a hard situation to live through but the more you get involved, I think, the harder it will be for the kids. It leaves them being pulled in another direction and they don’t need that. Don’t speak against the father, he is their father and it will leave them questioning when they just need to be children. If more help is needed with the situation, the school is a perfect place to start, as mentioned previously. Show them love when they are with you. Unconditional love is what they need most. It will give them strength.