I can’t imagine I am alone in this thinking, but it is hard for me to think of myself as a senior. Tomorrow I turn 69. I still haven’t wrapped my head around it. That used to be old, wasn’t it?
It started when I turned 50. Wow, half a century! Couldn’t believe it. Then I turned 60 and had trouble with that at first, learning soon to embrace it. I remember thinking wow, a new decade. I am really getting up there. Now I have reached the last year of this decade and realize, time marches on and you have to accept it. But it sure isn’t easy.
I remember going in for coffee at Dunkin Donuts, my favorite by the way. The clerk winked and said ,“Don’t worry, I gave you the senior price,” without asking me if I was over 60. Throwing the cup at her crossed my mind, but then I thought you really want this cup of coffee. You’ll be sued, and the police will come, blah ,blah, so I returned to my car and sat staring at the cup, thinking reality is tough.
It is hard to accept, when in your head you are so much younger. Don’t worry, I am reminded constantly I am not 40. The eye doctor when he tells you cataracts are forming and that to expect it at your age. When I exercise and get aches where I didn’t even know I had muscles and pretty much every doctor appointment that begins with, well at your age.
So I plan to embrace my birthday, deal with my wrinkles and have at least one cupcake with chocolate icing.
Yes this is a unique July. I view it in a positive sense. I have found that at my age 85, my world has grown smaller and smaller. The aches and pains that chase after me remind me that I am human and am passing into newer and better world. My brain and emotions have come alive and what a joy in looking at a young mother pushing her precious baby in the park. This visage of eternal love brings new life to me. The sight of a new flower growing beautiful and healthy in the warm July sun reminds me of passions once flowing through my own body and soul in my earlier years. But most of all, I now can retreat into my soul and thank God for my life and the miracle of the wonderful journey I have had the privilege to live and love in.
What’s different on this 4th? Really, when you think back, every 4th is different. I’ve given up bungy jumping, rebuilding my cars, camping in the wild, and collecting stray children. Turning 88 did have some bearing on my choices. So, what does this 4th encompass? Dust bunny chasing, ring removal, that’s toilets not diamonds, turning a 10 lb bag of russet potatoes into individual freezable dinner delights. Stuffed, scalloped, smashed and friables, ready to go. Hint, putting smashed potatoes in muffin pans, freeze, then bag is perfect for a quick dinner for one. I do the same for gravy. Faster than a speeding bullet, a gourmet dinner. My reading/ listening consists of real news, fake news, and behind the curtain news. Believe it or not there are small golden nuggets of truth to be found with my jaundice eye of course. I have become the ‘go to’ person for research on drugs and ills for friends and family. Just call me Dr Jung. (sick joke) With a quick change of hats I become a Wall Street Guru chasing the next big 10 bagger! Things I never had time for. I have this addiction to learning and now, the time to go down paths and explore what ever. I never know what tomorrow will bring…like ‘Alice going down the rabbithole hole’.
I have many thoughts on this different July – some about being part of the “older adult community” that is vulnerable to “the virus”, the situation in PA nursing homes, and much about how this crisis has shed a broad light on all the ways our country has failed to consider the needs of everyday citizens regardless of who they are, and in particular our Black community. I doubt I have anything to say/blog that hasn’t already been said by so many. I am heartened by the current level of engagement we are seeing, and from the bottom of my heart I hope that we will sustain this early momentum. It is a daunting task in front of us on so many levels. I just finished reading White Fragility and currently reading Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates. Definitely both worth reading and reflecting upon, and hopefully discussing new insights about how our country has structured itself. Even as an “enlightened” woman, I have so much to learn, think about and DO.
