What would have been normal five years ago was an enormously positive event last week. Five years ago, while living in Chicago, my friend Barbara and I took weekly classes at the University of Chicago and met up afterwards for lunches that lasted most of the afternoon. Then we moved away and shortly after so did Barbara. I promised her then I’d come to see her soon as she’d be only four hours from me.
In the interim my husband was diagnosed with lung cancer and died three years ago. Then my life was in a bit of a tailspin for a while, and I could not see my way clear to make the trip. My daughter and her family were in Barbara’s city during this time and she stopped in to see her and extend my greetings, but while that helped, it, of course, wasn’t the same. Even texting or Zooms didn’t match up with the heart-to-hearts we used to have.
But last week I took my first solo driving trip and went to see Barbara. She was waiting for me in her new home looking as sharp as ever, dressed in rust and white, rust matching the color of her hair, and sporting a fresh manicure and pedicure. We visited an hour in her home and then went to a restaurant she’d picked out in her new city–on the shore of a man-made lake with a gracious bubbling fountain in the center.
We sat outside in the sunny warmth under a canopy by this lake. Over margaritas, lamb popsicle appetizers, and crab cake entrees, we talked from eleven in the morning until five in the afternoon. Our lives had completely changed since our last in-person visit. Now, partly due to our aging, we’d both moved to be nearer children and had given up our Chicago jaunts down Michigan Avenue, the concerts in Millennium Park, the classes at U of C, the lunches at Corner Bakery, and so much more.
But, at the end of our long heartfelt chat, I at 79 and Barbara a bit older, agreed we were in the best places we could be–near our daughters. So not only was our visit a huge positive, but being able to come to terms with the idea that it is best, at our ages, to be near our daughters, concluded our visit on a happy, positive note.
And we are very grateful that our daughters even want us around! We can be rabble rousers, but are trying to behave!
What a wonderful heartwarming story, Lois! And what a blessing to have such a wonderful friend. I feel lucky to live near my daughter, to be able to share problems and joys. Although, right now I live in a hospital for 3 weeks where My husband is at rehab. I feel a little imprisoned, miss our garden and flowers…
Thank you for your affirmation, Hanni! Being a nurse, I can picture your current imprisonment well. I wish you and your husband the best as you plow through this hopefully temporary stage of life.
Thank you for your good wishes, Lois. My husband is doing much better – he has Parkinson’s – and I’m sure we will be home in 2 weeks. September is a favourite month of mine and it’s hard to spend it indoors. But nurses and doctors here are very nice and caring and do so much I am really surprised. Best regards from the Baltic sea!
Sounds good!
Happy friendship renewal, being able to pick up and continue the enjoyment, anytime, anywhere!
Absolutely, Brenda. You understand.
So happy for you both
Thank you, Priscilla. Something we do not take for granted.
This is so wonderful! I’ve lived in Chicago for 15 years. I have taken many classes, taught in many programs, worked quite a few jobs including Macy’s at Christmas, and I love our downtown. Things have changed drastically since Covid and I no longer travel all over town into different neighborhoods or go downtown on a weekly basis. I miss it. I moved here to be near my 2 daughters (and son in Brooklyn) 15 years ago and i have loved the city, even though, financially, I am way below middle class. Still, it has been a fun experience for me. Unfortunately, since the pandemic things are just not the same and I am not comfortable tooling around town on the buses and trains just yet. I am also in my 70s now, ( a bit younger than you) and many small health issues keep cropping up that need attention. It’s a different time. Thank your for sharing.
Allison, I hear the same comments from my friends in Chicago. Things are not the same. So too bad! Hopefully, we can look forward to better times when the virus and its variants get manageable. I still need my Chicago fix now and then. Thanks for writing! Am so happy you loved my city in its different time.
18 years ago I moved from Chicago to Chandler Arizona. I had always planned to retire in Arizona. However, after 10 years I wanted to go home, but when I suggested this to my daughter she said “no way.”
You are very fortunate to have daughters who want you close. I know that my daughter loves me very much, but I hurt her by leaving and now it’s easier for her to have me at a distance. Again, God Bless you and your daughters.
Relationships are tricky, aren’t they, Pamela. Sometimes our children take offense and think we don’t want to live close to them when the real thing is we just want to live where we have friends and familiar surroundings. I never thought about this when I was younger! But now as a widow on the brink of 80, life is getting more complicated. Thanks for your good wishes!
Love you two spunky ladies and your acceptance of what life presents us at times. Being blessed by two daughters who want you near them is the greatest gift a mother could ask for. Bask in their love, but by all means stay in close touch with your Bestie. I love FaceTime. Virtual hugs are better than no hugs from those we miss and can’t visit.
Patricia White
Daughters! I agree. I have one sibling left out of three who says her four daughters are her husband’s best gift to her. I should add that I have a great daughter-in-law too.
FaceTime would be good way to chat too. During Covid I subscribed to Zoom so I could host more than one person for an unlimited time. That’s been a great way to stay connected with family and friends too.
Thanks for writing!
How lovley to meet again face to face. It must have been wonderful. And thank heavens for daughters 🙂
Yes!!
How good it is to have friends and memories of friends we can revisit.
Yes! And I hope I can see you again in person whenever it’s safe.
What a wonderful meeting. I am enough years older (9 or 10) than you, Lois, that the opportunities for such meetings are rare if ever now. One of the hardest parts of this age is the loss of close girlfriends with whom the conversation never ended. Still having them sometimes in my mind, however. Your writing always inspires others, including me.