Mom again!!!! I was looking forward to retirement next year, when my world turned upside down. I now have guardianship of my four year old grandson. He has a disorder that requires many different appointments with specialist. It has been a challenge to say the least. Born on my birthday, we had a bond like no other and somehow I knew one day I would be more than Nana to him. Guess the spirit was preparing me .
Life goes on and so many grandparents are raising their grandchildren. So what went wrong? Somehow I feel I have let my children down. Was I good mom? Thought so — I worked, paid my bills, and alone might add. Still I wonder did life just grab my son and say life will be hard for this one. He was in a bad relationship, drugs and later attempted suicide. Good news he survived and checked into rehab, and is on the road to recovery. But, in the meantime I am my grandson’s caregiver. It hurts my heart so much. But he too is mending and now sees his dad. Mom is out of the picture.
I have had many challenges as I am aging. It’s funny what life does to you. Open up packages, able to pick up my grandson, be the person who takes care of his needs. He wears me out, LOL. I’d like to hear from others who have also raised their grandchildren and those challenges they faced.
ElderChicks 
Renee. You are a hero! ( We used to say “heroine”, remember?) It really seems you were meant to be here, to do this, and to be what this little person needs. We never know what life will throw at us, but you are my idea of a great catcher. Thank you so much for telling this story – especially now, when we all need to think about how challenges must be met and can be sources of joy when we meet them. That shared birthday should be as full of fun as possible.
May God give you the strength to
continue to put one foot in front of the
other.
Hello Renee, Life sure doesn’t follow a neat/orderly path. Back in the dark ages of 1970, 40 and up, were considered grandma years. As usual I followed a different path. My two adopted sons and a foster son were entering senior high when my body decided to become pregnant. I was 42. My husband wasn’t happy, my parents were shocked and my friends thought I was crazy. I’m sure you can surmise the conversations that ensued. I WAS BLISSFULLY OVERJOYED! This led to a divorce, my parents not speaking to me and my friends avoiding my growing belly. My son was born on the 4th of July 1975. (That is another story for another day.) A beautiful bouncing, 7 1/2 lb. baby boy. Somehow the challenges elude me now but the fun, excitement and sheer pleasure are etched in my memory. I was a much more relaxed mother, having had years of experience. It almost seemed ‘we’ were growing up together. I know it slowed down my aging, both mentally and physically too. I went back to college for my master’s when he entered elementary school. We would do our homework together. We worked on cars together. He threw large class parties, I catered. I was told I wouldn’t be here to see him graduate. HA! Fooled’m all. I’m 88, slowing down bit and he’s got white hairs in his beard! I heartily approve of this message, older woman raising young ones.
Although there is heart break in this story there is hope and wisdom too. I am sure both you and your grandson and her son, as well, will be truly benefitted from this arrangement! However in the middle of a Pandemic and as an elder, this will be challenging. You sound like you are up to the challenge however. I would, however, made some arrangements for the lad when/if you get to a point where you are incapacitated or unable to shoulder the responsibility alone.
Hi Renee, That’s amazing that you have made the decision to care for this little soul! I’ll wager that there will be tons of love shared between the two of you as your lives carry on. The lady before me “elissajung” tells of her difficult journey but she recalls the wonderful times! I sense that although there will be times that will be exhausting there will be moments of joy…you chose this for reasons that will perhaps be revealed down the road…I’m sure it’s all about love! My daughter moved in with me a year ago with my two grandchildren. There were times that were exhausting but there were certainly moments that were filled with fun, laughter and heartfelt situations…moments I will never forget. They have moved on with their lives…only next door🙏🏻 I feel blessed as I look back. Take care and remember you are not alone!
Renee, thank you for sharing your story and first of all I want to tell you that you have no reason to doubt whether you were a good mother or not. You are not responsible for your grown children’s choices even if they turned out to be the wrong ones. You are a loving grandmother and are caring for your grandson, you are giving up on your retirement dream… no doubts my dear. You are a wonderful mother and grandmother. You are giving your 4 year old son a chance at the life he would never have with his absentee mother. Don’t doubt yourself.
I admire your strength and resilience and I am sure the bond and love between you and your grandson will make up for that retirement dream which had to be deferred.
God bless you with a long and healthy life!
The wonderful thing about being in your position is that it actually keeps you young longer. I was in a similar situation a few years ago and had care of my little granddaughter most of the time for two years. Memories of the joy of those years will be with me as long as I live. My own son decided to go back to his old ways and turned on me, He decided not to allow me to see my granddaughter and I have not for the past four years. But I know that those were magic moments in her life as well as mine and she will look back at them and feel happy. Sometimes the true gifts in life are hard to discern, but you are living a magic moment. God give you strength and patience!
Gunilla,
My heart aches for you… I pray that your son will realize how wrong he is and the importance of having you in his daughter’s life.
Your granddaughter will one day look back on those times with you and look for you with love and gratitude.
Take care… Your patience will pay out!
Gunilla,
This is such a wonderful message of what true giving means. I echo Aida’s words, and add my thanks for showing what love and giving mean without relying on an obvious return. The reward is in the memory and the knowledge of the bond that will never be broken.
I can’t imagine your life, Renee. I just had my grandchildren (9 and 11) for the weekend, and even though they were good, I was ready to give them back to their parents. I wish you well and hope others can share their experiences with you.
I was 42 when my grandson was born. He got two bad parents and one good grandma. My son was the father and does not speak to me. He is now 50. My grandson is 28. He was in and out of my son’s house where he was treated very badly. My grandson turned out to be a wonderful person. He says that I am his father, his mother, and his nana rolled up into one. We had a blast when he was younger; biking, hiking, swimming, exploring, camping, you name it. We speak every day and are still joined at the hip. The hardest part of raising him was that I still had to work and finding decent day care was sometimes an issue. I feel very blessed to have him in my life. I pray for my son but do not expect any miracles.