From reader, Eln D’bru:
I have been looking for a place to post where there are women my own age. However, after reading the book, “The New Senior Woman” as well as some of these blogs, I’m pretty sure that I’m simply not fit or qualified to be in the presence of some of these ladies! Is there anyone out there blogging that ISN’T over-educated, world traveled, and working on their 2nd fortune? I admire all that I read but it seems that those of us that simply had a J-O-B, raised children safely to adulthood, conducted themselves with dignity while doing the best they could have somehow been forgotten in said book/blog! Oh yes, and am I the only one willing to speak up and say that my adult daughters are often a pain in the butt?!!
Our response:
Dear Eln D’bru,
Thank you so much for reading our book and visiting our blog. We greatly appreciate your comments and the fact that you took the time to write your thoughts to us.
In choosing the over 200 women we interviewed, we took great care to include a cross-section of women in our society. Many of the women you met in our book had been, for example, domestic and blue collar workers as well as teachers, nurses, and lawyers. All educational levels were represented –we can’t think how someone can be “over-educated”—as were all socio-economic levels. The women were white, black, Asian, and came from a variety of religious groups. We took special care to exclude the very wealthy and the very famous. All of the women confronted serious challenges. The book is the story of how they coped with the issues that often face women beyond mid-life, with the hope that they might be inspirational role models for their peers, their daughters, and granddaughters. Our blog is open to all who have access to the Internet and is visited, we find, by the same broad cross-section of society that appears in our book.
Indeed, most of the women who appear in our book and on our blog have “simply had a J-O-B, raised children safely to adulthood, [and] conducted themselves with dignity while doing the best they could”. They are precisely our audience and our participants. And our book contains a whole chapter of women who have spoken up about how they have dealt with the many issues that arise when their children reach adulthood.
Eln, please continue to speak up. Tell us what else is on your mind. We’re sure you’ll find kindred spirits among our readers, whatever your concerns and joys are.
ElderChicks 
No, you are not the only one who worked, packed lunches, took one to kindergarten, one to the baby-sitter, is not world-traveled, or rich. You are not alone. I had two girls who are grown and are starting to understand that everything does not come to those who wait.
One of my comments was in the book. I am very blessed to share the insight I have gained from my life. My parents were uneducated in that neither graduated from high school. We were never on food stamps or public assistance. My father worked with “whatever his hands found to do”. Orphaned when he was nine years old, shunted from older sibling to sibling, he left on his own when he was fifteen years old to find whatever he could do just to survive. He had a very hard time coping but determination to overcome his circumstances inspired all of his children. He believed in the power of education to equip us to have a better future. He would not accept mediocrity in effort. I was the first of my siblings to graduate from college, twenty years after my high school graduation. Since that time, each and every grandchild of his has a college degree. He is gone now, but he deserves much of the credit for any success we have achieved. Are our children sometimes a pain in the butt? Probably, but at the same time, they might say the same, if asked, about us, their parents. No perfection here…but life is about changes and growing. My generation is very different from that of my grandchildren. That is going to work out for them because the world is very much changed and that is what they will live and deal with. This book is about changes and how they can benefit all of us to live and grow together.
loved your book…was very helpful at this time…would you please write on women who are elder chicks…and have not done well financially or otherwise…. and are not able to afford vacations or the finer things in life….
Dear Eln D’Rru,
Thank you,thank you, thank you for your letter. My daughter thought I belonged here and all I saw posted was stuff I didn’t relate to. I have had my little triumphs in life and am happy with where I am. Am I rich? No. Am I invited to speaking engagements or to preview my new book? No.
However, I raised two great kids who are in turn raising dive great kids. I worked at the same hospital for over thirty years. I have been blessed with the opportunity to travel as my husband worked for an airline, and no, he wasn’t a pilot.
I have been well loved by my family and have loved them in return. I am proud of my fifty four year marriage. I realize how fortunate we are to have food, clothing, shelter, freedom and peace in our country.
Thanks again for speaking up for the ordinary who don’t regret our way of life.
Great letters Eln and Karen. Ditto to all you said. I am not even a good blog writer but I love to read them.
Gads, I haven’t read the book that apparently generated these responses and I probably fit right into that onerous over-educated and well-traveled category (sans the second or even first fortune!), but as a writer I KNOW everybody has stories. Wonderful, interesting stories that reflect particular people and places to which few have access. And no category of people is sitting on more fantastic stories than mature women, who have seen (and survived) it all! Income and education aren’t necessary to the telling of stories; what’s necessary is simply an interest in recording interesting stuff in all its curious, messy authenticity. We grew up under a cloud of rules about “being nice” to the exclusion of acknowledging reality. And yet by now we’ve seen more reality than Oprah! Time to tell those stories, especially the “ordinary” ones that won’t appear in the NEW YORKER but will find a responsive audience here. Pain-in-the-butt adult daughters? Hey, that’s a story. Write it!
Hi, Abigail,
Thanks for writing. Time also, for thanking Maya Angelou who surely pushed the door open wider when she wrote I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings and all the books that followed. I hope you’ll read The New Senior Woman and tell us how you like it, too.
Eln, you don’t have to be all those things you read about. I have a degree in Education and have been a widow for almost 5 years. I live alone and I am happy and contented. I am not rich either but I have enough to be able to help those who are in great need. I will be 68 soon. I read a lot, I garden and I listen to my old stereo and I watch TV. I have traveled some when I was younger and have lived in different parts of the world and took pleasure wherever we were, knowing I will be back home soon. Life is indeed challenging, I love reading about women and their successful careers but I also know there was a prize to pay for all that. I missed so many Little League baseball games when my sons hit home runs and the other mothers would tell me about it while I was tied up with conference calls at the office. My sons have their families now and I have great grandsons too and I looked at their faces and wonder at these miracles of life. So many changes in our world today. We just have to adapt to how it has changed. I think the best ever is the advent of the Internet! We google, pay bills on line, find our way and so much more. I mean, can you imagine finding your classmates from first grade to college? The world has gotten smaller and if you can’t travel, you can go on line and click on a country and let your mind wonder! I’ve always wanted to see all of the 50 states in a motorhome, I’ve been to 16 of these states and I am not sure at this point in my life if I can go and see more. It is not what others have achieved, it is how we as individuals perceived what truly makes us happy.The choice is ours to make. It truly is a different world for single elder chicks but hey, I am not about to complain. Life is what we make it and for me LIFE IS GOOD!
I wish you well.☺
Well said, Nenette.
And, Nenette, you definitely engage with people and with life!
Just wanted to reply that I too lead a very simple and quiet life. I’m retired and am working part time to help augment my income. I keep my travel plans local and save for those visits to family and friends back in NH/Boston. I lost my husband last year and now find myself making a new life . . . we married late in life and had no children. Books, movies, cable tv, walks on the beach, the gym, estate sales, lunch with the girls, taking care of the house and visits to family/friends keep me going. Let me also mention that the company of my cat, Sammy, continues to be a job. I agree that it’s how we perceive the world that makes us happy . . . I’m still finding my way as a single elder chick. I envy all of you who can travel . . . it was always my dream to visit Ireland and trace my roots. I won’t stop dreaming . . . life is what we make it.
Eln, not everyone is a “doing.” I have never worked. I live a quite, simple, slow life. I have lots of energy and garden a lot. My adult kids drive me nuts. I knew they were raised better. The women’s right movement started when I was young and women were becoming lawyers. All I could say was why? You are not alone.
Every one has experienced individual journeys.That makes me curious about the circumstances of others. If everyone were exactly the same, life would be so boring. I celebrate all your experiences, knowing that there is a common thread. We,as older women, are still very much involved in the world around us. It doesn’t matter if our specific arena is small or large, we matter. The book strives to provide a sense of our strength so that we do not minimize how much our voices can and should be
Robin, you hit the nail on the head for me! Without ElderChicks and the other ways we found to reach out across the country and beyond, we would have missed the the opportunity to know women who have so many different life experiences and yet so much in common. It continues to be a privilege to “meet” you all.
If we were all the same we would all be bored to death!! The difference in each women represented here is what keeps life interesting and in my mind fun!! Loving the difference and enjoying them is exciting. Today I’m hanging out on the beach girlfriend whose experience is different than mine. We will chat all day and laugh at our stories!!! Just have some fun!! Forget what you don’t have and allow your self to play and enjoy this lovely life we all have. Even on the not so lovely days.
Yes, ElderChicks! Let us celebrate the many routes to happy, fulfilled, well-earned “third acts” of our lives. Let us use our wisdom and experience to cope with the challenges we all face and to live in ways that are role models to the women who follow us.
As we face the most challenging years of our lives, let it be said that our individual experiences can give us confidence to believe that our circumstances do not define us. Each of us can accept our limitations and still live with humor and zest for life. My body is wintering, but my spirit will always be younger than springtime.😊
Sorry, I haven’t read the book, but now I will. Where can I get a copy? I am seventy-three, I have led a fairly ordinary life, raised five children, lost one son to suicide, my only daughter doesn’t speak to me. She lost her daughter, my grand daughter, in a car accident, I think she needed someone to hate, and I was an easy target. I am so sorry about the theme of this comment, I thought about deleting, then thought, what the heck, everyone has some tragedy in their life. I am OK.