I look forward to communicating with all those lovely ladies out there who are the new senior women. When I was in my twenties, living in Boston and rallying for all those new causes, I never imagined that I would end up living in California and survive all the turmoil of the 1960’s. I didn’t get married until I was 45, as I enjoyed my freedom and independence … but always wanting to share my life with the right person. My husband passed away suddenly last year and I now I find myself a widow . . . it has been quite a journey. I’m trying very hard to start a new life for myself . . . working part time helps and the continued support of family and friends has pulled me through some dark days. There are always new beginnings and age has nothing to do with it!
New Beginnings by Susan Stewart
May 5, 2014 by ElderChicks
6 Responses
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Susan, Your attitude will not only see you through, but will take you far. The difference between seeing challenges as forks in the road rather than ends of the road appears to be crucial to building new life. Work, family, friends . . . . and curiosity about what is ahead — you are definitely on track. I hope you’ll find topics and opinions, and the people who have them, of interest to you here and that we’ll hear from you often!
Words of encouragement are always appreciated. Thank you for your kind thoughts . . . it brings me hope for the future.
My dear Susan, Time has a way of helping ease your pain. I know, been there myself almost 5 years ago. Not a pleasant journey but inevitable for most of us. I am glad you are working for that keeps you from just staring at the walls at home .Interaction I think is very important, it takes your mind away from grieving, even for just a moment. Reading also helps. It is OK to remember the good times, you will shed a lot of tears and believe me, it is healthy to cry. Just remember there are plenty of bright tomorrows, take care of yourself and keep the faith. You will be OK, rearrange your furniture and don’t be afraid to try anything new, a haircut, a new shade of lipstick, and enjoy an ice cream cone. I walked around shopping malls. A word of caution: retail therapy can be quite expensive! Enjoy the simple things in life, it won’t be easy but I promise you, each day will be better. I wish you well! Hugs:))
I try to take things one day at a time . . . and not worry about the future. Hopefully, the future will take care of itself and I can move on. And, yes retail therapy is dangerous . . . I’m back on budget and enjoying the simple things like a nice glass of wine and a good book. Some days are better than others and I’m looking forward to some bright tomorrows. Thanks for your words of inspiration and encouragement.
Susan, I’m reprinting below what I wrote to another woman who wrote about the pain of her widowhood on our blog:
I too, have gone through the business of loss of a husband after 56 years. We grieved his death –and the loss of life as we had lived it– together as we went through his lingering illness. Grieving together was both a blessing and an abomination. He died seven years ago.
I went through guilt (did I do enough?), anger (I told him to take better care of himself!), selfishness (how am I going to get along without him?) resentment (some of my so-called friends have abandoned me now that I’m single), more guilt ( ooh! Freedom! I’m now freed from having to make compromises in my life –what I called “living by committee”).
One day I woke up and realized that Dan wasn’t the first thing on my mind in the morning and the substance of my dreams every night. This occurred after maybe two years. I was experiencing a new freedom, freedom from grief. Dan is still, and always will, remain a part of me. Why would I want to erase a life and a love that I wouldn’t exchange for anything in the world? What I have finally let go of is the searing grief and pain that I tried to run away from by breathlessly and exhaustingly filling every waking moment.
Grief has to take its course, can’t be rushed, and everyone grieves in their own way. I think the important thing is not to become your grief, but to continue to reach outward even as you reflect on what you have learned from the past to design your future. There is, after all, still the rest of your life. It is a gift that I wish Dan and I could have shared. But life dealt us a different hand. Let’s continue to play it to win it.
Thank you for sharing your feelings with me. I know that I’m not the only one who has experienced losing a spouse and it’s comforting to know that life does go on. I’m still working my way thru my grief . . . finding my way. It hasn’t been quite a year yet so I feel like I still have a way to go before I feel I can truly enjoy my freedom, and not feel so lonely and lost. Filling my days seems to be a challenge . . . I hope that in time my heart will be open to new possibilities.