January 21st is my mother’s 110th birthday. She lived to be a month short of 97. When she turned 90 she suddenly became much more open about “admitting” her age, something people were more reticent about when she entered what was thought of as old age. Why? Mother said, “I don’t really mention it to my neighbors in the apartment building, but I really like telling younger people. I think it’s good for them to see it’s possible to be in your nineties and have all your marbles.” Fortunately, she had them until the very end.
I think of that today because I just had an instructive lunch (they usually are) with an older friend who will be 89 this year. She is very active: physically, socially, and professionally – and appreciates the fact that she is. What she doesn’t appreciate is having younger people say, “You’re my mentor.” Shirley says, “I’m not anyone’s mentor; I reject having any responsibility for other people’s lives; I’ve never thought of myself as a teacher or guide. I even try not to give unasked for advice to my own family.”
As we talked about this, we realized that the many younger people who say this to Shirley really mean that she is role model, rather than a mentor. Our purpose in writing The New Senior Woman was to seek out role models among us, and it turns out that our audience is largely among women as young as their fifties who see a longer life than was predicted stretching into the future. Some of us have opportunities, and the desire, to mentor younger people. Whether we do that or not, every one of us can be and probably is a role model for younger people, just by living our lives as well and interestingly as possible.
How are the younger people in your life seeing you?
ElderChicks 
It was my privilege to have Esther as my friend. She was an elegant, very bright woman who could not get on a strange bus, airplane, or trolley without having the people sitting near her become confiding friends. When she exited the vehicles, she had listened kindly and attentively to the unburdening of these strangers. I remember also, the speed with which she dressed when she got a late night call inviting her out! She enjoyed life. She added to its beauty and warmth for those of us lucky enough to be within her sphere of influence. She was also a dear friend of my beloved mother.
It was an honor to know her.
Roslyn Bornfriend
At 92, younger friends are delighted to see that aging is an attitude, that one makes adaptive accommodations ….., acknowledging what one can or can no longer do….
I’m 72 and have several friends that are 20 to 25 years younger and love to listen to their different perspectives on current events.or life’s puzzles. I’ m somtimes amazed they would want to hang out with me! But then i forget my age when I’m with them. Age is definately an attitude and i guess i have it !
Well, first of all, I want to say what a wonderful person Aunt Esther (Terdiman) was. Always up, always cheerful, even though I know that couldn’t always have been the case. Always interested in everyone around. All that Roslyn and Thelma said about her.. When I was young it was always a treat to go to Philadelphia to see her and Uncle Ben.
In the past few months two of my former elementary school students asked to friend me on Facebook. One is in college, the other graduated last year. I was delighted. On Facebook many of my friends are parents of my former students, many of them my daughter’s age. While I was babysitting for my friend’s grandchildren recently, when their mother came for them, they asked if they could come back. That is how I like to live my life.
Heaven knows, Thelma. I loved seeing your post about your mother. You were (are) so lucky to have had her–and for so long –as a role model–as were we all. Happy 110th, Esther. We still have fondest memories.
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Arthur, forgive the delayed response. This is wonderful, seeing these words from you. She was very fond of you and Betty. And you’re so right – I still know I’m lucky.
Beautiful picture. Beautiful woman.
Your question was “how are the young people in your life seeing you?” I am 69 and in great good health and so far, not burdened by any of the physical issues that growing older brings. My husband is equally fortunate. We have friends much younger than we are and we have grandchildren, nieces, nephews, etc. What I find interesting is that our ages do not come up in conversation. We talk about current events, books, travel, gardening, their lives, our lives, politics, religion, cooking, Downton Abbey…you name it, we talk about it. Except our ages. I have never had the experience of being named a “mentor” or a “model” for a younger person in conversation with them. When people start pointing out that I’m doing great for my age…I think that might indicate that how they relate to me is beginning to change to something other than Grandma, Aunt, or friend.
Helen, whether ti’s spoken of or not, you and y0ur husband are role models. Younger people who see you as contemporary in your thinking and interests are the kinds of examples they’ll follow.
Thank you, Thelma. It is good to be reminded that we don’t always know what others are thinking and seeing…the non-spoken words and thoughts matter a great deal.
Oh…and I’m trying to convince my old book club (I left the area and can no longer participate) to use “The New Senior Woman.” It’s an important study.
Thanks so much, Helen. We put a suggested discussion guide in the book. As we talked with some people in groups we realized how much people have to exchange on the topics that emerged from the interviews.