I never thought that at 64 I would, in a matter of two years, become a widow, lose my home, lose a job I had for 31 years, and feel so incrediablly lonely. Wow! I know times are rough for everyone. I have five wonderful children and many, many grandchildren and for this I am ever so greatful, but it sure is hard not having someone who understands what I am feeling, which of course I never burden my children with. Time just seems to be passing by so quickly can anyone tell me how to slow it down?
A Whirlwind of Change by Helen Sharp
September 10, 2012 by ElderChicks
7 Responses
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Sorry to hear about your devastating losses.As had been said…”with time etc etc…” but a better solution is, if so fortunate, a good friend who is able to listen, understand and then suggest going out for dinner, or a movie, or a walk around the block. Those of us who have had similar experiences find that involvement with others can provide much satisfaction, gratification…….a bridge group, discussion group, an organization…..and…..a pet. Many choices, many options…….best wishes……..
Helen,
I’m sorry life has hit you so hard so fast. I do understand as I have all the same issues. I don’t think there is a way to slow it down either. But, you do just have to learn to appreciate every moment that you get with your kids and grandkids and take a huge interest in what is going on in their lives. I’ve made prom dresses and kindergarten class costumes. I’m lucky I do some really time consumming work at home. Try to find another widow to be friends with and go out once or twice a week to whatever interests you. You can’t fill the void all your losses have left you with but you can distract yourself. Find a quilt shop and try to take a class or two just for the comraderie. Or take up painting – Life isn’t normal anymore so you have to define a new normal. My best wishes to you. – Pat
Dear Helen – That is a great deal of change in a short period of time. I too am sorry for your loss and understand the feeling of time going too fast. I agree with Pat about appreciating every moment. I also found in my early to mid-sixties that I had to begin to appreciate a slower lifestyle. it sounds like a contradiction, but I found when I began to add a new pace to my life it was easier to enjoy the moment. Our fifties are so filled with family, work, activity that the transition is often seen as “loss” rather than a gain. I found with a slower paced lifestyle, I could still muster the old focused, achievement energy AND be able to stop an smell the roses. They are not an either/or option. We are so lucky in this time of our lives to have more and more available to us. As you heal from your grief and loss, you will find that you are your own best friend.
I wish I could help, but I’ve not been there. I know people who have though, and they say they just have to give themselvs permission and time to grieve and little by little to try out new things to see what fits. For example, a good friend is restructuring her life and preparing for winter days by trying Curves (a place to go everyday if she wants where she will see people and get the exercise) and a bookclub at her local library, She, too, does not want to burden her children with her tremendous sadness from the loss of her soulmate. I wish you well in finding a good listener; I know how much just my listening and not judging has meant to this friend. She did not ever want to hear anyone say she had to get on with it. She knew she had to do it in her own time.
Helen, just reading these responses from Hannah, Pat, Sandy, and Lois reminds me of just how important community is in our lives. We are so fortunate to have all they tell us about when such profound loss occurs. Nothing brings back the losses, but finding meaningful activities, resources, and having friends to listen all help us heal. Please let us know as you find your way. A book called The Loss of a Life Partner by Carolyn Ambler Walter is one you might find helpful. You can find it on Amazon.
Helen, I’m so sorry about all your losses. Do you have a pet? My dogs have helped my loneliness through the years. They’ve also been a help when I was feeling low. Everyone has given you such good advice. I hope it helps. Hugs.
Its been almost 3 years since your post. I have similar losses in the past 2 years. I am just feeling like I am able to cross an important bridge to the new me. I just recently found “elderchicks” and I think this site is insightful and empowering. Too bad we don’t all live close to take a walk around the block together.