Looking For The Bright Side by Paul R.

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Looking For The Bright Side by Paul R.

August 30, 2012 by ElderChicks

Forgive me if I’ve got this wrong, if you don’t talk to guys then please just tell me and forget all this. I’m a guy 72 yrs old married and wondered if part of your remit was to give advice to someone who has a totally negative view of life, e.g. me. My glass is always half empty, it will rain tomorrow (and I need the sun – I live in northern England). I constantly complain about things and drive my extremely understanding wife crazy. I really want to be upbeat, and I have everything going for me, a younger wife, two houses in the country and a super little terrier dog. I also have a lovely daughter and 3 super grandchildren (though they live 300 miles away), they are 4, 6 and 8 years old. I don’t owe any money, and we have a little house in France we can go to for our holidays. BUT my whole persona is downbeat and pessimistic. And yet sometimes I can be extremely funny (I mean I can be amusing in company) and I am slim, fit and healthy, apart from being a coeliac (gluten free etc). If any of you have a secret formula for optimism I want to know. I want to wake up in the morning and say all the right things at the right time. Can you help?

Posted in Health | 12 Comments

12 Responses

on August 30, 2012 at 2:51 pm | Reply hannah honeyman

it has been said that…”god helps those who help themselves”…..worth trying ?
on August 30, 2012 at 3:21 pm | Reply Robin

Okay, since you asked, my first question would be-Do you like yourself? Then my second would be, if you could relive your life is there any choice you would make differently? To the second question, if there is a dream you lost, find it and begin reclaiming it. When you are involved with a passionate interest with convivial people, it keeps your mind off negative outlooks. Life is not fair nor is it comprehensible. However with all of your advantages you should be use your time in a more productive way than being morose. Live life as if you wouldn’t have another day or have it any other way. Does this sound cliche? Try it and you will find that life is a great adventure and can benefit you and those around you.
on August 30, 2012 at 3:47 pm | Reply V. R. S.

Hi Paul,
First, you are off to a good start by looking into this! It is not always easy to
break habits we get into – but we often can if we want to and then persevere. Quick background on me: I am 76 years old, still teaching in a college, have a wonderful husband, great children and grandchildren.

I think most of us move between seeing the cup first one way and then the other. But perhaps many of us are more consistently on one side or the other.
You, however, express some concern that perhaps you would like to be freer of the burden of seeing the cup always half empty. (It’s not as much fun!) So I understand.

I have a couple of ideas for you – but some questions too. Even if you see the cup as half empty, are you generally happy in spite of it, or generally miserable? Or in-between? (These are rhetorical questions – no answer needed). If you have happy moments, some good times,
and see the amazing beauty that can spring forth, then that is a positive for
you to build on if you can and then choose to. It’s sounds as though you have a great life-so there is a cup-half-full statement in your email!

In a book titled The Impossible Will Take a Little While, ed.
Paul Loeb, which gives great personal accounts of people affirming life in spite of all that confronts them, there is a short piece by a musician who says that “you have to pick your team.” She writes that it seems to her there are two teams in the world: those who are cynical and those who are hopeful.
She recognizes that both sides have reasons for their stance, but she has to decide “which team seems happier,” which side she would rather be on.
For her, that means choosing the side of those who say “yes” to the world
because she would rather stick with the people who have a sense of
“the possibility of hope.” They seem happier to her. She writes “who wants
to win the argument of cynicism [or negativity] anyway?” Thus, she believes,
as do I, that we can make changes – that we are not necessarily locked into
some habits.

That said, of course, there are some things that we can’t change about ourselves and would not want to. But when we even think we might want to, then perhaps we can and can give it a try. Such a change from seeing
the cup half empty to half full may be a matter of retraining – of changing
the “default” mode. If this is something you decide to try, be patient and steady.

One last thing to consider: you’re probably aware of how darkness and clouds can cause a physical reaction that can bring on “depression.” Perhaps that is
a factor since you live in England. I used to live in the northwestern part of
the United States, and people there can suffer due to all the
rain and clouds much of the year. There are treatments for such. Of course,
not everyone is affected the same way.

Good luck to you. I don’t know whether what I wrote will help but decided
to give it a shot. It may sound simplistic and easy, but it’s not. It takes desire and attention. And as I wrote above, perhaps we do move back and forth,
depending on what is happening all around, but we can still choose our team.
on August 30, 2012 at 4:14 pm | Reply Pat Williams

Everyday you have a choice, You can be happy or unhappy. When you get up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror say “Today I choose to be happy.” Then find something to do that makes you happy. Plant, paint or read something that gives you an accomplishment.

Keep a journal and everyday write down five things that gave you pleasure that day. Keep this up for awhile and you should discover that you really are happy.
on August 30, 2012 at 4:21 pm | Reply Robin

another help-extra vitamin d- maybe you are distressed because you have SAD disorder. just a thought
on August 30, 2012 at 4:35 pm | Reply Roz

My guess is that you already know some possible solutions to your predicament. Some options are: Engage in regular physical activity and exercise (if you are able to); partake in activities that you enjoy on a regular basis (arts, sports, creative endeavors, etc.), treating them as essential; set up talk therapy with a group or individual; consult with a psychiatrist.
on August 30, 2012 at 4:56 pm | Reply Judy LeFevre

You sound like you are bored to me. Your life does not sound complex or in danger of crashing because of your health, economic situation or family. Honey, count your lucky stars!!! See your doctor to make sure there is nothing physically wrong and see if you need some help with an anti-depressent to get you out of your glut. The best thing you can do is get active in some sort of charity where you are able to help others. There is nothing more uplifting than to give your time and see how it matters. There are many organizations out there that would really appreciate your help. Go find one and get involved.

I wish you the best of luck. My mother had a saying that I always repeat to myself when I am feeling down. It goes like this, “If everyone could throw their troubles into a hat and pick out the one they wanted they would all pick back their own.” I miss her everyday.
- on August 31, 2012 at 8:05 pm | Reply Joan
  
  Judy has the best response so far~ Stop thinking so much about how bored you are and get involved with charities and organizations that put the emphasis on others. When you see others having many serious problems in life, you will feel sooo rewarded and useful when you start thinkikng about how you can help thrm, and not think about not yourself so much.
on August 31, 2012 at 12:37 pm | Reply Tamah Graber

A few years ago I was mentoring a young girl who was really unhappy. I asked her to tell me three good things that she did or that made her feel good. Surprisingly it was really difficult for her to do that even though she is bright and smart and had a loving family. I agree with the person who suggested volunteering. Helping others really does bring the giver a true sense of satisfaction. Also finding some outlet that brings joy – in my case it’s glass, but it could be any kind of outlet that gets you out of yourself. Good luck.
on September 3, 2012 at 2:37 pm | Reply Pat Boni

I’d like to help you feel better. My advice is for you to drink two glasses of the best, most expensive wine and eat a half pound of exquisite dark chocolate every day, If that doesn’t make you feel happier marry an older woman. I’m available.
- on September 3, 2012 at 4:37 pm | Reply Robin
  
  Glad you are ready to throw yourself into the cause. Haha
on September 14, 2012 at 6:29 pm | Reply Thelma Greenwood

You have so much to be grateful for, more than many and yet you find your cup half full! How about a little GRATITUDE? Here’s an old Hymn that I have found most helpful. It’s by E.W. Dennis :

“A grateful heart a garden is,
Where there is always room
For every lovely, Godlike grace
To come to perfect bloom.

A grateful heart a fortress is,
A staunch and rugged tower.
Where God’s omnipotence, revealed,
Girds man to the mighty power.

A grateful heart is a temple.
A shrine so pure and white,
Where angels of his presence keep
Calm watch by day and night.

Grant then , dear Father-Mother, God.
Whatever else befall,
That this largess of a grateful heart
That loves and blesses all.”

These lines have shown me the half full cup. May you too be blessed with a full cup.

Best wishes, Thelma C. Greenwood.