 Interesting to see the perspective from the other side of 65. I suppose that, when I talked about my plans for retirement, it described what I would do if I retired now, without having learned all the lessons one learns between 30 and 65.These lessons probably include things like, “You feel better when you take care of your body” and “Investing in your health is worth it in the short term, not just the long term.”It probably also includes some lesson like, “Having nothing to do is no fun.” This I can intuit, but I can’t yet understand. It’s such a prevalent notion, and millions of retirees intentionally stay busy when they don’t have to, so I have to believe that it is valid.But what could be more blissful than a few decades of no commitments, no promises, no expectations, not being needed? Time to laze, think, dabble, meander, with no one to answer to and nowhere to be at a certain time every day. A purely experiential, rather than a productive, life, like a child who has not yet gone to school.
I suspect that either I am naturally lazier than other people (which may very well be true) or there is something about all the (intellectual, professional, maternal) productivity that is expected of women in their 20’s and 30’s that makes it hard for us to understand the benefits of remaining productive after retirement. Does anyone have any light to shed on this for me? I would really appreciate it. (This is a selfish rather than intellectual motivation. If there are lessons embedded in retirement that I could use to make better decisions now, I want to learn them!) Best, Leslie |
A Response to “Getting Healthy in Retirement” by Leslie Tullis
May 3, 2012 by ElderChicks
9 Responses
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Leslie – I cannot tell you how wonderful it has been each decade as I age. I’m no 71 and it just keeps getting better. Yes, of course your 20’s and 30’s has or is a time of figuring yourself out, trying out new courses in life, building a family maybe, career, it is in fact (at least for me) a time of exploring and building and trying out different avenues.
The 50’s for me began to become more and more productive and focused in ways that made me think menopause was a gift that gave me the stability to do so. I was a dynamo in my 50’s and gained more and more expertise in my chosen field during that time. Very gratifying after having tried several areas some with dead ends others with unending opportunities that often felt overwhelming.
So then, for me the 60’s began to shift and redefine my life as I explored the concept of retirement (never liked the word, but haven’t gotten a new one to take it’s place yet). For me retirement felt more like a pause in the road, a time to scan the horizon, make decisions around my internal journey as my external journey was accomplished and I wanted new views of my life. A transition. and now, in my 70’s the joy and happiness that has descended on me is such a bounty, one many of my age describe with wonder and gratitude.
I wish you well on your own journey and places like this are a perfect outlet for us to share and be truly who we are with others. Thanks for your post. Comments are always welcome.
Leslie,
It sounds to someone who is swamped with raising children and working and running around that retirement with no set requirements is wonderful. And retirement is wonderful, but not to use your brain is pretty much to lose it.
Taking it easy does not mean doing nothing. It means changing priorities. If you want to meet your friends for lunch, great. If you want to spend an entire day reading, great too, but the people who have the worst retirement, I think, are the people who don’t have something to do – hobbies, volunteering, keeping fit, traveling. And of course, by the time retirement comes around, if you are lucky, there might be grandchildren to love and to spoil.
Tamah, this is helpful — thank you for responding.
Many people of a certain age seem to feel very much as you do, so I can intuit that some sort of discomfort probably sets in after a long period of doing nothing with no expectations. This points to something like a common truth (perhaps something about work and being needed or making things better) that might be harder to perceive before retirement.
If you get a chance, would you share more with me about what you’ve learned and seen in this regard? And that goes for anyone else reading this as well — if you have an insight or experience that could help me better understand why people focus on staying productive after 65, I’d really appreciate it.
(I promise I’m not being intentionally dense, I probably just can’t see the forest for the trees.)
OK. Leslie, I just spent almost all day reading a book. It was extremely enjoyable. No one bothered me. I didn’t have to be somewhere. I did have things to do in the house that called to me, but I was able to ignore them. I love reading. Probably that’s why I became a librarian.
BUT before I started reading, I went to the gym. It is SO important to get as healthy as you can get. My kids have been telling me this for years, and I pretty much ignored it. I was really fat. I had replacement surgeries – hip, shoulder, knee. This is not how I want to live. I want to be able to go where I want and do what I want, within some limits of course, due to age.
I know people who live for work. They retire and then find more work. That’s not what I’m talking about. I know other people who retire and don’t have anything they are interested in. Many deteriorate rapidly. The thing is, most of the intelligent people I know, especially Thelma who started this blog, are interesting BECAUSE they are interested. And there is so much to be interested in. Many of my friends who are retired are taking classes at reduced rates at the local community college. Right now I am only taking a water exercise class there, but I love it. I don’t really need to take other classes yet because I am a glass artist and now have some time to devote to glass.
Having the ability and time to do nothing and be tied to nothing sounds wonderful. And it may be. For a day or two. Or even a week. Or on a vacation. But not for long.
Got it. So there are clearly reasons to do work beyond simple expectations, such as the fact that it interests you, or that it makes you feel good and helps you do things you want to do. And if one is an artist, one feels an innate pull towards work as long as body and soul are together. (I once had a very old relative, a lifelong painter, who gradually lost his eyesight. Not giving up, he simply switched to expressing his vision in clay and cut paper.)
Is there a negative sensation that work also helps you avoid? I know you’ve mentioned deterioration a couple of times, but I’m curious as to whether one feels negative consequences and thus wants to avoid it.
Thank you for helping me with this. (I may not be a terribly apt pupil, but at least I am learning.)
I think that the main negative aspect to avoid is boredom. I know that at the moment, boredom sounds like a great idea especially when life is so full of have-to-dos even when some of those are love-to-dos. But I think that boredom leads to atrophy, of mind and body. Sitting around the house or worse, a nursing home, is like waiting for something. While it is not necessary to be doing something productive all the time (witness my day of reading for example although it was followed by working in my studio), doing nothing but smelling the roses gets old. And it leads to you getting old. Hope that helps.
Ah. That makes sense. So rather than sitting around and waiting for something to happen (which I agree is no fun), you go make it happen.
It seems as if the focus is not so much on being productive as it is on having a wider and more interesting set of things to experience. And it sounds as if a certain amount of productivity (for instance, exercising and volunteering) is helpful in getting there. So it seems like it IS similar to the experiential life of a young child, except with 60+ years of insight into how to get the very best experiences. (For instance, a young child given a lot of chocolate will eat until they feel ill, whereas I have seen older people parcel out such pleasures in the ways that will make them happiest.)
Imagine — work as a byproduct of seeking high-quality life experiences, rather than life experience being a mere byproduct of getting the work done. This sounds lovely. How soon can I start?
I agree Tamah. I have so much to say on this subject, it’s amazing how wrong I could have been when I looked at the future during a younger time and thought it would be dismal.!!!! Far from it. The beauty of this time is unending in my experience and often times I think I’ve begun to life alittle heave on earth after all those years of preparing and searching! This is a good place for me to express. I have much to say.
What a wonderful exchange across generations. Here’s my contribution to the discussion based on examples I’ve met of women who seem to be mastering the art of a senior life. They all exhibit resilience – the ability to adjust to the one thing in life we can be sure of: change. They all have curiosity – about the world, about others, about what’s next. And they all have shown a propensity to diversify; they have friends across generations, interests that have widened to include the new, and a variety of activities. A sense of perspective and a sense of humor help at every stage of life.