I hate being a caregiver. I have been one for five years. Life was not supposed to be like this. I awaken every morning with the same feeling in the pit of my stomach. Daily chores again! When do I get time off? He can do some things for himself but life has chained me to this man I married 65 years ago. His life is now what it is. He cannot hear so I am his ears. He cannot see so I am his eyes. I am his constant companion. I do take off for a 45 minute walk every morning, and I do things without him for a few hours one day a week. But I hate being a caretaker. I want someone to care for me as I take care of him.
This is Not What I Wanted by Susan Meis
March 18, 2012 by ElderChicks
7 Responses
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The only harder thing to be is alone. When my husband passed away, after several months of being confined to a bed, I was mentally and physically wasted. Numb for months, I later realized that as crazy as it sounds, I prefer having the burdens than being alone. My husband had always spoiled me and taken care of many things that I should have done for myself. I will have a long time to miss him. Bless you through this season of your life. It to will end.
Taking time out for self-care is critical in this situation. Is there a support group for care givers in your area that you can reach out to and join? Is there elder care services you could hire to come in and give you a break? I don’t know about your financial situation, but could he be checked into a managed care residence for a week, allowing you an extended mental health break to travel, visit friends and/or family or just rest? Seek emotional, psychological, spiritual and physical support for stress management or your own health will be impacted. Caregiver burnout is a serious health risk. Can you ask your physician for suggestions?
Shifting one’s perception can be helpful. I don’t know if you believe in reincarnation, but perhaps there is a soul contract between the two of you regarding this situation. He might have provided this kind of care for you in another life time and in this life time this is your opportunity to repay the good deed. Or you may have abandoned him in a time of need in another reincarnation and this is a second chance to correct that.
Nothing lasts forever. Make every moment count. May you be surrounded with love and supported on your journey.
It’s so important as a caregiver to give voice to those resentments Susan. If you can possibly go to a support group, I know from experience it alleviates alot of the stress you describe. It must be an extremely difficult time for you.
I am so sorry to hear what you are currently living. I cannot imagine the emotional pain and perhaps fear/anxiety that you live with each day.
There are support groups that may or may not be in your area for care-givers maybe you would feel better being able to talk with several people who can understand you present circumstances and help you feel your not alone in such an important job.
I can only echo what the previous women have said in their comments. I admire your honesty and am sorry for the pain your care giving is causing you.
I cannot relate to your situation because I have lived alone for 35 years, and often wished I did have someone to care for.
I can only echo what the previous women have said in their comments.
I admire your honesty and am sorry for the pain your care giving is
causing you. I cannot relate to your situation because I have lived alone for 35
years, and often wished I did have someone to care for.
My mother lived with us for 7 years, and was in failing health for the last year and a half. I found being her caregiver was the most challenging thing I had ever done. I was constantly, coming up against my own limitations in the areas of patience and kindness. It is hard to be honest about these things, and the guilt is tremendous. All you can do is your best, and forgive yourself for the rest.