 It’s been almost 5 years now since my mother died. She was 89 and living independently up until a month before she died. I often resented going to see her but did especially once she no longer drove. I gladly went shopping for her, but taking her places was always difficult as she was a controlling type of person. Still, I respected her and admire her to this day for how she managed her life as she became more and more dependent on others.
Eventually, I went to a caregivers support group. I hesitated because I knew I was not really a “caregiver” until I read the brochure. I saw that much of what I was doing for and with my mom was in fact caregiving and I deserved support as much as anyone. I’ve never regretted doing that support group and I think my relationship with my mom was improved as a result. I miss her still, of course, and as I begin my own aging I think of her decisions and will be using her as a model of workable indepedence in what ever form it takes. The last day before she died, she was still making her own decisions about hospice and other things, she insisted on drinking water by herself with no assistance. She liked doing things on her own and I believe I am very much like her. |
Independent Until the End by Sandra
March 6, 2012 by ElderChicks
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Remarkable. She prepared well for the aging process.
I hope others are as moved and encouraged by this as I am. It’s encouraging to see how your experience informs your own self-knowledge in such a constructive way. I, too, see so much of my mother, who lived to almost 97 in myself now. I’m so thankful that she lived past the time of my impatience and long enough for my appreciation.