I am a widow of 20 years, good health, active life. I have loved being with, doing for, helping out, taking out, staying overnight with my grandchildren. I do notice now that half of them have reached their mid teens….hmmm, how should I say this…I get less calls from my daughters needing the things I outlined above. My weekends are suddenly half empty, no calls, no requests for help. Well,what about me NOW?
What now? by Anonymous
November 6, 2011 by ElderChicks
11 Responses
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You area so ripe for volunteer work!!!! Find something you like and offer your services. It will make you feel fulfilled and others too. Good luck!
Congratulations on being in good health and active. I would love to have suggestions for you, but I find myself in the same situation. I feel irritated when others do not validate my loneliness and feelings of emptiness. My expectations of people and traditions that I could count on has changed. No anger, just understanding for myself,
that life goes in separate directions than what we expected. I felt loss as I recognized the changes but life is not for looking back on what was or what will be, it is enough to love the day for itself. We are still alive and able to enjoy small things without distraction. Peacefulness and acceptance give new appreciation for my own abilities. I feel triumphant in smaller things and look around me for new avenues of exploration. Silly as it may sound, I used to feel so dependent on so many loved ones to make me happy. I felt that unless someone was there, my joys were diminished. It isn’t true. That I know now. So I am still ready for adventure but the understanding that my life has changed gives new meaning to the word.
thank you, thank you …you hit the nail on the head .. and your words validatng what I feel helps so much ..they still love me, care for me but letting them fly on their own perplexed me as much as I wanted them to be strong, independent, caring individuals ..
Your words are going to be taped to the back of my bedroom door where I keep other wonderful, meaningful words …thank you for pointing out I am not alone …
I feel so much better … and extremely glad I stumbled upon this web site – ElderChicks.
Relish the years you have had with yourchildren/grandchildren….
acknowledge that they have lives of their own, ..things change…..with your good health, energy and interests the time has come to share your ability and compassion with the larger community….volunteer….day care facilities, mentor a child at your neighborhood school, have lunch and conversations (bitching is allowed) with your friends….join a health club or a non-profit organization…..there is so much out there…..give…….enjoy
I am a mother with a 10 year old Child. My grandparents in law watch my daughter every day after school and during school breaks. Regardless of the age of my daughter, I want her to know how important her (great) Grandparents are and we look forward to many years with them. Maybe you can gently express your feelings to your children. In my opinion, t the grand children take cues from their parents. Maybe they don’t need your babysitting services, but what about inviting you to dinner, lunches or shopping, just hanging out to talk?
yes your comments are well taken by me…I have thought of several ways to include or be included with them…thank you…. and also exploring other interests that I have put off for some time…
I don’t have much advice to give because I never lived near my grandchildren, so had to develop my own life after retirement. I enjoy their presence now online, but otherwise I continue to pursue my own interests. And that takes me into many unknown and fun places as I’m always curious.
Someone recently told me about a book on grandmothering: “Eye of my Heart” edited by Barbara Graham. The subtitle says” 27 writers reveal the hidden pleasures and perils of being a grandmother” and I learned a lot about the ups and downs of being a grandma and it helped me feel OK that I’ve always had to be an out-of-state grandma.
I’ll be hoping that you find an outlet for all that “giving” that’s bursting for a place to go! There are many lonely kids and adults who would love to be on the receiving end. Lois
Eye of my heart is a top notch book about grandparenting and the experiences of different women. I read it several years ago …cried for those who had little or no contact …thrilled to read some that had great experiences as mine have been … my outlook so much better with all the varied responses received …
Lois, you really touched a chord. Finding an outlet for the need to give not only fills a need for others, it at least partially fills a need in the giver.
I sense your anger and bewilderment. They are both justified and should be acknowledged. But now it’s time to move on and look for ways to make your life worthwhile by extending your energies and talents beyond your family. There are a lot of people out there that need you. Become a role model for your children and grandchildren because one day they will be “seniors”. They will respect you for showing them the way.
Remember this. If your grandchildren are too old for babysitting, they must be a handful for their parents right now in their growing up stage of life. Driving them for sports, night overs, school, etc. beside watching that they do grow up right and not in trouble. They must be so busy, they really can’t always think of you. So, you think of them, call them, and bring over a dish or dessert for the kids or them. Try to be appreciative of them and it will reflect back to you. Don’t give up on them while you are also doing other endeavors. They still need you, even just to make them feel good about what they are doing, etc.
Pearl