When I look back on my life, I’m mostly pleased with the choices I’ve made, and I’m mostly pleased with the things that happened to me even when I had little or no control over events. (I’m a big lemonade maker.) Yet, there are some times I wish I had been less practical and some times I wish I had been more careful.
When I was in college, I majored in history, wanted to go to law school, work at the UN, and improve the world. Instead, I got married, got a Master’s degree, became a teacher, and improved a few kids.
Needing more, I decided to get a doctorate at the age of 45. I toyed with the idea of going back to square one and becoming an architect so I could spend time thinking about space and environment and their impact on people’s lives. I also considered my other unfulfilled wish: law school. But I opted for the sensible thing and extended and expanded my existing career path instead. I ended up as a college teacher in a department of education. My career has been satisfying and rewarding but kind of unexciting. I do regret that. It did enable me to follow my husband’s career around the world on many exciting adventures which I would not have been able to do had I not been working on an academic calendar.
What I found myself doing –subconsciously living out these fantasies, I guess– was to buy houses (we moved three times) that were in bad condition but in good neighborhoods and remodel them by changing the interior space. I was always my own contractor and architect. I drew up plans on the computer, rearranged walls in the houses, added or subtracted doors, windows, and rooms, redid kitchens and bathrooms, and was sorry when the work was completed. I think I’ve finally run out of steam: I don’t intend to do any more major remodeling but who can tell? This was hardly a substitute for a career passion but I did have a good time.
I think the greatest regret I have is that I never felt passion for my career. I enjoyed my work, and I believe I did it well. Some of my students have told me that I have had strong impact on their lives and I feel my work has been worthwhile. But I envy people who breathe fire into their work. I know that some are emblazoned and some get burned. But “better to have loved and lost”, yada yada yada. I often wonder if I would have had the passion had I been less sensible about my career choice and had followed a dream instead.
Enough looking back. Now I must get to work on the book we’re writing.
ElderChicks 
Thank you for such a touching and honest life review. It sounds as it you created a wonderful rich life for yourself. There are always paths not taken. That doesn’t mean that the road you chose was left meaningful or important. I have a feeling that it was exactly where you needed to be. It was hard for our generation to make exploratory choices, for we were raised in more traditional ways, most of us. I love your ruminating, and join you in the process.
Thank you for your comments, Marchie. I try not to look back and wring my hands! Actually it was my husband who taught me that. He didn’t waste his considerable energy on regrets, but always had his eyes forward. As I said, I TRY to avoid hand wringing. I think looking back is useful, however, if you use it as a learning experience for future choices.
Great framing of an important issue– doing a life review through the lens of how one feels about the choices made. Can’t wait to have this conversation with my wife (Neither of us is an elder chick, but she’s hoping to be one in a few years!) I wouldn’t mind hearing more from Bobby and others on other decisions they made and the resulting tracks in their lives from those those decisions.
It’s amazing to see the different forks in the road for women today. As a Depression baby (the ’30’s Depression, that is), I was guided by parents who lived through it and worried about their children’s security. Like Bobby, I went into a profession not because I thought I would love it or felt I must do it. Teaching was viewed not only as secure, but as my mother insisted (always in a kind way) was good because one could do it while raising children. The assumption was, of course, that girls would marry and have children, and be at home when the children came home from school.
Today, more than fifty percent of the students entering law and medicine are women. “Secretaries” are no more. I did find satisfaction in teaching, but not passion. However, forks did appear by way of graduate school, other kinds of teaching and consulting, and so different roads became available and I’m still taking them.