Sharing Time by Jennifer Rosvally and Shura Saul

September 6, 2010 by ElderChicks

The Mature Daughter Writes:

With my mother beside me in the car, I was pulling up to a parking spot at a local grocery store . We were routinely shopping for food and then going on to have a fun-lunch . The car easing out of the spot into which I was parking, was driven by a woman about my age. Her passenger was clearly, her mom. They were both eating ice-cream cones. Our eyes met, we looked away, and then they met again. She pulled out and rolled down her window. With a smile and a twinkle in her eye she said” We’re in the same boat.” “Yes,” I replied,” but you are eating ice cream!”

I see more and more of such dyads- adult daughter and older mother- sharing time as they go about their normal every day life tasks… doing things together. As we are living longer, both mothers and daughters are dealing more and more with issues of aging- ranging from health care to life style changes and all the attendant emotional colors. Perhaps I am so keenly aware of this because I myself am so involved in my mother-daughter relationship at this point in my life. I seem to see myself and my mom on the street, in restaurants, at doctor’s offices!For the past 16 years, (since my father died), my mother and I have been working together on several creative projects. She , now 90 years old and a professional gerontologist; I, a psychotherapist with three grown children. In the year 2007, we published a book entitled “Mother Daughter Duets: Relationships in Counterpoint.” which presents stories from 65 woman of both ages, from varied backgrounds and different countries. The book considers a range of circumstances involving the relationships between the adult daughter and the aging mother. It speaks from the point of view of both the older and the younger woman with no judgment.

For the past three years, my mother and I have been travelling around the country presenting interactive workshops on the various facets of the topic. We meet with large and small groups, reading clubs, interest groups in community centers, churches and temples; as well as training sessions for professional agencies and for classes in colleges and universities. We go wherever we are invited. Workshop participants become motivated to examine, privately, and are invited ( as they feel comfortable) to share their own experiences as they discuss those in the book. Needless to say, my own relationship has matured and bloomed during these experiences. I have changed and grown along with the work I do with others.

–Jennifer Rosvally LCSW

The Older Mother Writes:

Retired after a long career in teaching and writing about aging, I was plunged into widowhood somewhat suddenly at the age of 74. I began to live many of the experiences of change and aging of which I had been a concerned observer. My grown daughter and I had always enjoyed a happy relationship, but we had lived our own busy work-and-family lives. Now, my grown children, especially my daughter, were concerned about my separation from a close and loving husband , co-worker and friend. My daughter and I recognized the similarity of some of our activities; e.g. we both wrote poetry, were interested in theater, and had worked with all ages of people in various capacities, especially the children and grandchildren in the family. And so, we began to work together on projects of our mutual interest.

Soon we found that our shared experiences could tell an interesting story. We knew, also, that others, like ourselves had stories to tell about their maturing and changing relationships. And so we reached out through a network of friends and the friends of friends- and we gathered their stories . We developed this interesting book, whose subtitle is “ “A Story-and-Workbook for Adult daughters and Older Mothers.”We included poems, exercises, and questions for thought so that the readers focuses on the range of issues and challenges presented in the stories which are told in the contributors’ own, unedited words.

Now we are traveling the land to share insights, experiences and much learning with many diverse groups. It is a fascinating experience – one which I enjoyed in earlier years when I worked with my husband on other projects. Now at the age of ninety, I am still learning and learning!

We would like to hear from “Elder Chicks”. Our website is currently being updated, so we can be contacted at this e-mail address just now. We look forward to being invite and will respond to anyone who is interested in our workshops and/or our book “Mother Daughter Duets.” Shura Saul LCSW,Ed. D. Contact info: shuragb@gmail.com [Leave a comment here.]

Posted in Generations, Seniors | Tagged aging, gerentology, grown children, mother-daughter duets, workshops | 7 Comments

7 Responses

on September 7, 2010 at 1:43 pm | Reply Bobby Fleisher

I’m sure your relationship is somewhat unusual. Often mothers and daughters share similar interests, yet, they don’t pursue them together because they don’t really like to spend that much time together. What do you think accounts for your special relationship?
on September 10, 2010 at 4:10 pm | Reply Lois Roelofs

Thank you for your heartwarming stories. They brought back memories of my trips to see my mother who lived three hours away. My sister would set up doctor and hearing aid appointments that I could do to lessen her in-town caregiving role. On our jaunts, my mother and I would stop at my dad’s grave. Your stories sparked such warm feelings. I only wish my mother, ever the diary keeper and teacher, were still here to share my writing activities. We would have so much fun obsessing about words over root beer floats.
on September 11, 2010 at 12:52 pm | Reply Thelma Reese

One day when my mother was about 90, we were having lunch in a deli after shopping and laughing about something, as we often did. Another woman sitting nearby came over to our table to say, “I love watching you two. You’re really lucky.” We certainly were! Thanks for sparking that memory.
on September 13, 2010 at 9:28 pm | Reply Margie Rosenberg

I love your stories. I am an adult daughter and value my relationship with my mom. My mom helps me weave squares together to make afghans which are then given to women in a halfway house. It’s been a pleasure and privilege to work with my mom and share this community effort together. Thanks for all the work you do to help others.
on October 9, 2010 at 4:31 pm | Reply Thelma Reese

My daughter, Tory, and I had the great pleasure of meeting Shura and Jennifer when they were here in Berkeley to conduct one of their wonderful workshops at the University. It was a privilege – and lots of fun – to get together with these truly special women. I’ve been reading their book: Mother/Daughter Duets: Relationships in Counterpoint. It’s a treasure, full of stories, poems, songs (by Jennifer), and inspiration. They call it a Story-and-Workbook for Adult Daughters and Older Mothers. You can find it on Amazon.com.
on December 16, 2011 at 12:55 am | Reply aida bertsch

I am delighted to have found this website! I was privileged to have Dr. Saul as my “Field Faculty Advisor” when I did my Masters in Gerontology at Vermont College and have great memories of her. Dr. Saul is definitely my favorite educator, I learned so much from her…
It is wonderful to see that she is doing well and enjoying her life.
God Bless you!
on June 11, 2014 at 4:01 pm | Reply EILEEN C

BE GLAD JENNIFER THAT YOUR MOTHER IS STILL AROUND TO WATCH YOU GROW UP AND HAVE CHILDREN OF YOUR OWN. HOPE YOUR CHILDREN, YOUR NIECES AND NEPHEWS TREASURE YOUR MOTHER. HAVE THEM LEARN AS MUCH AS THEY CAN ABOUT THEIR GRANDMOTHER ANS YOUR FATHER AS WELL. OTHER RELATIVES THAT YOUR REMEMBER. (YOUR MOTHER) SHURA SHOULD WRITE A BOOK ALL ABOUT HER GROWING UP. ALL RELATIVES SHE ENCOUNTERED IN LIFE, MEETING YOUR FATHER AND THEIR WEDDING, RAISING YOU AND YOUR BROTHERS. I WOULD LOVE TO READ THE BOOK.